


One Perfect Moment of Happiness

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-07-31
Updated: 1998-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-21 01:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11347077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	One Perfect Moment of Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

One Perfect Moment of Happiness by Donna Milan

One Perfect Moment Of Happiness   
by Donna Milan  
<>  
OK to Archive anywhere, as long as my name remains attached and nothing in the story is altered. Feedback welcomed, but remember, I'm just a fledgling slash writer (second story ever). This story has not been betaed, so all screwups are solely my responsibility.  
SPOILERS: The Red and the Black  
M/K Slash, NC-17, Angst, Extended Foreplay, Mind Blowing Sex, and I must admit, a generous helping of sappiness. Well dammit, somebody has to do sappy around here! It might as well be me.  
This story is a sequel to my first slash story, 'A Gift of the Truth' (originally posted in March) which basically recounts THE KISS scene in The Red and the Black. In the interest of story flow and continuity, I'm reposting it along with this story.  
DISCLAIMER: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know CC could buy and sell us all a gazillion times over. They're all his, I'm not earning jack from it, I just love playing in his universe. 'Nuff said.

* * *

One Perfect Moment of Happiness   
by Donna Milan

Fox just sat there in the darkness, dumbfounded by all that Alex had revealed to him. He remained in that same spot for God knows how long, remembering, trying to make sense of it all, as if that could really be done. Alex loved him. He hadn't come right out and said the words, but the truth -- the love -- was there, all the same. It had shone nakedly in his eyes, had flowed from his lips in that pure, rapturous kiss. He felt its presence even now, palpable in Alex's scent which still clung to the air, in the tingling nerve endings of his still scorching cheek, in his aching cock which still trembled for Alex. And the strangest thing of all was, after everything that had passed between them, Fox realized he welcomed Alex's love. Hell, he returned it. How long had he known that the armor of hate he'd hammered out toward Alex, had worn so boastfully for all to see, was actually love turned inside out? How long had he who claimed to seek the truth, despite his morally superior crowing, really run from it instead?

Alex had bared his soul to him tonight, risking everything and asking nothing for himself. There was no secret agenda or ulterior motive, only Alex's world weary, yet strangely innocent countenance shimmering with love and regret, breaking down the barriers between them and healing them both. Fox felt his heart twist slowly back into shape, wringing from itself the bitter, anguished rage he'd harbored toward Alex for so long, expelling with it his own hubris. Shining the intense light of truth upon his own faults hurt, and it was with shame that Fox Mulder discovered himself a hypocrite. He surrendered himself to a cleansing rain of tears and wept his catharsis, deep, shuddering sobs that broke painfully from his chest, burning his throat and searing his cheeks. God, it felt good to finally let it all go and admit to himself how he truly felt. Fox cried out his love and forgiveness for what seemed like forever, and when he finally ceased, exhaustion and relief overcame him. Dragging himself over to the couch, he climbed on and let himself fall onto it. Resting his head on the cool, comforting leather, Fox allowed his body to relax and sink into its softness, slipping into the first peaceful sleep he'd had in ages. His dreams were of a world in which he and Alex could fight together on the same side and love one another without fear or betrayal.

An hour later Fox awoke so rested, he was genuinely surprised that it was still dark outside. He felt whole, grounded in a way that had always seemed foreign to him, a state seemingly bestowed only upon others. 'So this is how it feels to know the truth,' he silently reflected, his mouth curving up into a slight smile.

Just then, he heard a knock on the door. That tiny, wistful smile still on his face, Mulder responded, "Come in."

The door opened and as he expected, Scully walked in, calling, "Mulder?" Her face was troubled, and she obviously needed to talk. Fox remained silent, patiently waiting as she came into the living room. She started to speak, then suddenly seemed to switch gears, a quizzical look temporarily wiping away her worried expression. Scully then asked him, "Mulder, why are you sitting here in the dark?"

Fox's smile deepened a bit as he observed Scully's inquisitive nature override her distress for a moment. His face held a nostalgic expression which said he was immersed in a place far away. The pull was so strong, he found it difficult to come back to the present, which made his answer sounded unintentionally flippant. "Thinkin'."

Scully thought, 'Okay, I'll bite.' "Thinking about what?"

"Oh, the usual...destiny, fate, how to throw a curve ball..." Scully observed that Mulder looked like someone had definitely just thrown him one...his pensive expression, the pause that hung in the air between them like a child's party balloon spoke volumes... "the inextricable relationships in our lives that are neither accidental, nor somehow in our control, either," he concluded, his voice gently vibrating in wonder tinged with regret. 

Scully wasn't prepared to launch into a discussion about relationships right now, especially not with Fox Mulder, of all people. No, thank you, she would avoid that particular emotional minefield. What did she know about relationships anyway? She hadn't had one in so long, she felt unqualified even to talk about it, not to mention embarrassed for anyone to know she'd been alone for, God, *years*. Intimacy had become to her an almost mythical concept she'd heard of in theory, but could only imagine in practice. Opening herself to any man in that way was too frightening for her to contemplate now. She wasn't even sure who Dana Katharine Scully was anymore, let alone how to reach out to another person with more than friendship. Would she ever be able to share herself fully with a man after all that had happened to her? Worse, had she ever truly shared herself fully with anyone ever? Sighing, she changed the subject, eyes downcast, voice the tiniest bit shaky. "I've just taken a long walk and I've reconsidered that I may have been wrong about what I believed happened to me." 

Oh, God, now she felt even more embarrassed. Scully had never felt this insecure, and she hated it so much burning tears of shame sprang to her eyes. She braced herself inside for the skeptical backlash she was sure would come from Mulder. The fleeting thought that she and Mulder had somehow reversed roles over the last five years skittered across her mind. She didn't want to think about what that meant or how she felt about it right now. All she knew was that her friendship with Mulder reassured her that she was still capable of letting someone get close to her, her only respite from her self-imposed isolation. Giving was also immensely hard for her now, but she could still give of herself to Mulder. Even though she felt so empty sometimes, it made her feel a little less fractured inside to help him. So much had been stolen from her....Melissa, Emily, even her memories of all that happened when they ripped her birthright away and replaced it with a cold metal implant at the base of her neck. Sometimes she felt like an inanimate piece of fucking inventory -- numbered and catalogued. The comfort of Mulder's friendship sustained her in times when she secretly doubted her own humanity.

Instead of responding skeptically to her question, however, Mulder surprised her with a quiet admission. "I've been doing some reconsidering of my own." He walked over to her, proffering a slip of paper, his expression urging her to examine it. She read the handprinted wording, 'Things are looking up," but, concluding that couldn't mean anything important, turned the paper over to study the other side. There she found scrawled, "Weikamp AFB." "What's this?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Maybe an answer to a question you and I seem to have been destined to ask," he cryptically replied, striding purposefully toward the door. Opening it, he turned back to her with that curious, determined look she knew all too well. What else could she do but follow? Ordinarily she wouldn't consider following Mulder on one of his wild goose chases the easy thing to do, but somehow, tonight, it was a welcome distraction from all that weighed on her mind. Trusting, not really caring if they found any answers tonight, she let him lead her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Much later, that same evening --

\---------------------------------------------------------------

It was so damn late. Oh well, at least it was Friday. He could sleep in tomorrow....well, he could try to, anyway. Mulder flopped down on the couch, the leather's whoosh sounding like an exasperated sigh. He exhaled loudly, unconsciously repeating the sound, feeling exactly that way. He'd taken Scully to Weikamp AFB hoping to find some answers, but wound up leaving with only more damn questions. His one consolation was that at least Krycek hadn't lied to him. Though he had been robbed of anything useful he might have learned, *pretty sure he'd been subjected to yet another mind wipe tonight*, Krycek's honesty lent him some small measure of comfort. But, goddamn it, he'd been right there in the truck with the resistance leader, yet he had no earthly idea how he'd been taken away or whether he was even still alive. Once again, he'd been so close to the truth only to be thwarted, left frustrated and confused. The bastards kept stealing his memories, and now he couldn't be sure which were his own and which had been planted in his subconscious. "I need a drink," he muttered to himself as he stood and peeled off his coat, haphazardly tossing it on the coffee table.

Where was that bottle of cognac Skinner had given him last Christmas? God, that sounded good. He strode into the kitchen and rooted around in rarely opened cabinets. There it was, seal still intact. Mulder grasped the bottle in one hand, closing the cabinet door with the other. He hoped he had a clean glass. Opening another cabinet, he found one and retrieved it. Broke the bottle's seal and poured a generous drink. Walked back into the living room, swirling the chestnut hued spirits around in the glass, admiring the deep, rich color. Just like Alex Krycek's hair.....

'Stop it!' His mind screamed. Mulder felt restless, tense, and, he grudgingly admitted to himself, extremely lonely. Scully was probably taking a bubble bath right now, listening to Vivaldi or some other stuffy classical shit. Although, some music might be nice....That was it, he just needed to relax, pamper himself a bit, get his mind off.....work. He turned on the stereo and fiddled with the tuner for a moment, stopping when he heard that one unmistakable voice which never failed to soothe him. Aaaaaaah......Sarah Vaughn. The jazz show must be on public radio tonight. Not all our tax dollars are wasted, he thought, smiling, and took a quick mouthful of cognac, rolling it around on his tongue for a moment to fully expand his tastebuds before swallowing.

Mulder settled back onto the couch, kicked his shoes off, and rested his feet on the coffee table, using his carelessly discarded coat as a cushion. All was quiet in his solitary, dimly lit apartment, except for the whiskey-velvet voice wafting softly toward him, subtly enhanced by the counterpoint of muted string bass and brushed cymbal. Mulder closed his eyes, surrendering to the gentle caress of Sarah's voice. He took a long, deep sip of cognac, this time slowly savoring its mellow heat as it warmed his tongue, relishing the slight sting in his throat as he swallowed. Being a sensualist had its advantages......kept you open and responsive to all kinds of stimuli. He cracked his neck from side to side, releasing the tension there and leaned his head back, closing his eyes, allowing himself to be absorbed by the music.

Sarah's words, her emotions, dripped like sun-warmed honey onto his soul, coating him with their poignant sweetness. His consciousness gradually shifted into that free association mode that made him feel suspended above himself, and everything else ceased to exist except this delicious languor. The song's lyrics drifted toward him like gently swirling smoke, making him remember.....

Night and day, you are the one Only you, beneath the moon, under the sun Whether near to you or far, it doesn't matter, darling, where you are I think of you night and day.....

Night and day, why is it so That this longing for you follows wherever I go? From the roaring traffic's gloom to the silence of my lonely room I think of you night and day....

Night and day, under the heart of me There is, oh, such a hungry yearning burning inside of me And this torment won't be through 'til you let me spend my life making love to you Day and night, night and day.....

Mulder sighed deeply, surrendering to the direction in which his mind had begun to wander. He could almost feel Alex's warm, trembling lips on his cheek again, and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly where he'd managed to steal the tiniest secret kiss of his own. If only he'd been braver, if only he'd been more honest with himself, if only he'd emerged from the shock sooner, if only, if only, if only.......His cocked hardened at the thought, even as his heart contorted in pain at the wasted opportunity. If Alex were here now, he resolved, he would kiss him very differently. "Oh, Alex," he softly moaned, consumed by the pain of wanting the man desperately and denying it for years. His cock visibly surged in response to the spoken name. As Fox's hand gently soothed the quivering cock through his trousers, one hot, solitary tear slipped from beneath his closed eyelid and slid down the side of his face, traveling to his jawline, where it clung, suspended on the chiseled curve of his jaw. Its trail seared his skin, made his throat ache unbearably, as he waited for it to drop.

It never did.

Cloaked by the shadows of the softly lit room, Alex Krycek crouched, unobserved as he furtively drank in Mulder's nearness. His incandescent, catlike eyes widened and his mouth hung open in a perfectly shaped, astonished 'O' as he witnessed Mulder's despair, his arousal. His husky whisper of 'Alex' set him to shivering, as he comprehended the truth of what he saw. *Fox Mulder wanted him.* <Silent whimper> He'd only meant to check that Mulder got home safely tonight, maybe watch him for a few stolen moments as he slept, really, he had, but oh, sweet Jesus--

Nothing mattered anymore, nothing but that, unbelievably, this man wanted him. It had been so long since anyone had truly cared whether Alex Krycek lived or died, but of *all* people, here was *Fox Mulder* yearning for him, shedding tears for him.

The hard shell around Alex's heart cracked open painfully, and he winced from both agony and joy. It was all too much to bear, yet simultaneously not nearly enough. Through his own tears, Alex stood, staggering foward. He quietly knelt before Fox and tenderly touched his mouth to that precious, glistening tear, his worshipful tongue cherishing the only tangible shred of love he had ever known . . .

Mulder's eyes snapped open in shock, drinking in a sight of which he had only ever dared dream. He shivered and gasped in disbelief and utter delight, tilting his head and offering up his jaw to Alex's assuaging mouth, his graceful throat twisted in an arc of sheer ecstacy. There must be a God somewhere, because Alex's presence was nothing short of an answer to a prayer. Fox Mulder, who believed in aliens but not in God, had prayed for only three things in his entire life -- for Samantha to be returned to him, for Scully to live through the cancer, and for Alex to come back. To have two out of the three granted was far more than he had ever expected or even hoped for. He smiled and silently thanked whoever, whatever was responsible for this incredible moment, feeling himself a truly fortunate man for the first time in his life. 

Reluctantly, Alex released Fox's exquisitely sculpted jaw, and sat back on his heels. Astonished silence still hanging between them, he took the forgotten glass from Fox's hand and set it on the table. Turning back, he searched bottomless hazel eyes deeply, probing for evidence that this was indeed happening, that he hadn't just conjured up Fox's acceptance of him in some cruel delusion.

But this was no delusion. Fox's luminous eyes hungrily, possessively raked over his face, treasuring it, as if committing his features to that amazing eidetic memory for all time. Then, with infinitesimal slowness, Fox drew closer, never releasing eye contact, and with a tiny whimper of joy captured Alex's lips firmly with his own.

More tears sprang to Fox's eyes at the intense, bittersweet pleasure that flowed through him, but he swallowed them and instead poured all his pain, all his desire, all his heart into that kiss. This was the kiss he promised himself he would give Alex if he ever got another chance. Alex remained almost paralytically still, letting Fox's passion seep into him, warming him, begging him to trust until finally he shuddered, relinquishing the final vestiges of his doubt. Alex began to respond, yielding and accepting, relaxing into the kiss, and returned Fox's passion with a fervor that shook them both and left them panting for breath and craving more contact as their lips reluctantly unclasped. Oh God, it hurt like hell to let him go for even a second.

An alarm went off in Alex's head, and his mind began shouting at him. 'What are you doing? Get out of here before you hurt him again,' Heartsick, yet needing just once to do the right thing, he accepted the truth of it and began trying to undo the damage. He ground out his words hoarsely, as if they were being forced from him. "You should send me away. You can only be hurt by this." His tortured eyes unknowingly contradicted his words, begging Mulder not to. Alex would do anything to prevent causing Fox any more pain, even if it meant ripping his own heart out to do it. He silently, desolately waited for Fox to agree, to send him packing like they both knew he should.

They both also knew, however, that it was far too late for them to be having this conversation. Mulder, finally having faced the truth of his own heart, could not turn back now. This might be their only night together, their only chance to lay open their souls to one another, to open the floodgates and express all the emotions they had suppressed for so long. Fox understood that, just as he understood that Alex was trying to shield him from the horrifying experience of grieving for a dead lover. That Alex sought to protect him and spare his feelings, when he so clearly longed to stay, only made Fox want him more.

It was a revelation for Fox to watch Alex's attempt to be noble, bringing to mind the image of a small boy trying on his father's clothes. This clearly was new territory for Alex, and he was obviously trying so hard to do the right thing. Who'd have thought Alex Krycek could be selfless? The discovery gave Fox a melting sensation in his chest, warming him from the inside out. He could see the pain this was causing Alex, despite his outward efforts to appear indifferent. It was an unpractised, almost gawky but endearing gesture, touching Fox inexpressibly. Damn, but Alex was beautiful, especially now without calculating manipulation marring his finely chiseled features. It was such a relief to gaze upon that beloved face without trying to summon hate on his own, so much wasted effort to convey something he never really felt. This night was an absolute miracle. Fox knew if he let the opportunity pass him by, he would spend the rest of his life regretting his choice. That settled it. There was no way he was going to let Alex walk away now without admitting the truth and resolving the hurt between them once and for all.

'Shift into aggressive mode, Mulder.' He knew exactly what Alex needed to let this happen. He knew and, *oh God*, here was Krycek on his knees before him, so vulnerable, waiting for one word, one touch from Fox to signal his consent. Mulder felt a thrill-shiver rocket through him at the sheer power he felt, spiraling downward into his cock and hardening him until he nearly cried out from the blissful pain. Oh, and he fully intended to exercise that power, *tonight*, but not with blows and curses this time, oh, no....with passion and tenderness, but mostly with the truth.

"You can't lay your heart at my feet and then just take it back, Alex." The words were spoken so softly, Alex wondered if he'd imagined them. Then, he watched with rapt fascination as Mulder's lush lips parted to speak again. "You love me." Not an accusatory tone, but simply matter of fact, indisputable, uttered with such certainty that he could just as easily have said 'the sky is blue' with the same inflection. Undeniable. Alex blushed hotly and a panicked storm brewed in his eyes as he scrambled for the words that would allow him to escape. Why did doing the right thing hurt even more than betrayal? "Nooooo," he rasped in a strangled whisper, tightly screwing his eyes shut as if refusing to look at the truth could change it.

'Okay Alex,' Mulder thought, 'let's finally get this out in the open.' The quiet exchange began to escalate into a full blown argument, yet Mulder found it liberating to confront the feelings between them at last. His eyes took on an intense, ferocious look as he clutched Alex's leather jacket with both hands, and slowly, deliberately dragged him up his body. He sinuously ground his hardened crotch against Alex's, making him gasp and forcing his eyes back open. Alex's fierce arousal showed in his astonished eyes, and Fox felt his own pupils contract in arousal at Alex's reaction. The two men stared each other down, their faces so close they could smell the leather, the cognac, the desire between them. The room was silent except for their harsh, ragged breathing and the faint, seductive music in the background. 'Careful, Spooky,' Mulder silently admonished himself, 'you're gonna lose it if you don't slow down.'

Mulder's pelvis stilled reluctantly, just pressing insistently against Alex's with a steady heated promise. Alex felt a falling sensation as hazel eyes bore into him, passion warring with guilt and fear. Mulder wanted to shout, but he was so choked up with wanting, his words came out in a seductive whisper. "You can't lie to me, Alex....not about this." Punctuated his words with a wanton pelvic thrust, smiling at Alex's answering gasping moan. He next placed a tender, yearning kiss on Alex's right cheek, recreating exactly the kiss Alex had given him only hours earlier. He then lightly sucked on the tender skin of Alex's cheek and stroked it teasingly with his hot tongue before sucking again and releasing it with a resounding smack. Alex did not miss the subtle taunt, and it only served to arouse him further. An inarticulate groan, thick with need escaped his lips and Mulder felt Alex's cock swell against his own. Fox continued in a shaking voice, his eyes glittering with his own desperate need. "Don't you see, Alex? This had to happen. We've always known it would come to this. God, I've known from the first time I ever saw you wearing that stupid department store suit, with that ridiculous goop in your hair. I didn't stand a chance against you, Alex, even then. Jesus Christ, aren't you tired of running from it?"

'Oh God, I'm going to come if I don't pull away from him right now,' Alex thought feverishly. He silently lectured himself, desperately trying to regain control of his traitorous body. But Jesus, what flesh and blood human, male or female, could resist Fox Mulder? The man was so seductive, Alex wouldn't be surprised if even Skinner dreamed of rolling over for him. 'Fuck! Don't give in to this, no matter how much you want it. For once in your life, don't be a selfish bastard and think of what's best for *him*. Let him go.' 

Violently wrenching himself away, Alex fell backwards against the coffee table, the edge slamming him between the shoulder blades. Sharp pain forced the breath from him for a moment but brought his trembling cock under control. He was grateful for the pain; it helped him focus. He raised his prosthesis as if to say 'stop' when Mulder, his eyes clouded in concern, lunged forward to help him. The concern transmuted into hurt at Alex's curt rejection, and Mulder's head dropped dejectedly as he clasped his hands between his legs, elbows resting on his knees. Alex leaned back against the table, drew a couple of unsteady breaths, then waited for Mulder to look up again before starting to speak, his tone a sharp blend of defeat and exasperation.

"If only you knew how tired I am of running, from this, from everything. Don't let yourself care for me, Mulder. I'm not worth it. Look at you, then look at me. You're whole, you're one of the good guys, you have a future. I'm a fucking freakshow with one foot in the grave." He held his prosthesis up and away from himself with disgust in a crass attempt to illustrate, then let it drop to his thigh with a sickening smack. Mulder winced in sympathy but shook his head furiously. "The only thing I'm worth anymore is a bullet, and it's coming soon -- don't kid yourself. We both *know* it, Mulder. Dammit, can't you see I'm trying to *stop* hurting you. I want to be able to look back in that split second before I die and know that just one person I touched was better for it. This is the only way I know how to do that. Please, just let me go." Propping himself upon his right hand, he tried to maneuver his body so he could stand. This proved difficult and awkward, and Alex felt humiliated to have Fox witness him struggle to do something as simple as standing up. Tears of shame pricked his eyes, and he blinked furiously to force them back. After a couple more failed tries, he finally managed to make it to his feet and without another word, turned quickly and scrambled towards the door as if his life depended on it. He had to get the hell out of here right now.

"You think I don't know what you're trying to do?" Fox rasped in a wounded voice, cracking painfully on the word 'do'. He sounded like an awkward adolescent not quite through puberty, but continued despite his embarrassment. "I face the same danger you do every day. I'm no safer than you are. I could be killed tomorrow while working on a case. You never know. The way I see it, we're both equal in terms of what we stand to lose here." Standing, he cleared his throat and continued, determined to see this through no matter what the outcome. "I appreciate the nobility of the gesture, Alex, but you have to see it's way too late for that now."

Alex stopped, but did not turn around. "No, it's not. I can just leave right now and we can pretend this never happened."

"I don't *want* to pretend it never happened, dammit." Fox started walking toward him, his voice resonating with anger and something else Alex didn't want to hear. It hurt too much.

Alex silently counted the footfalls as Fox approached him, trying to will away his body's renewing arousal. But Fox was standing close enough behind him now that he could feel his warm breath on his neck. His hair stood on end as he barely suppressed a shiver of intense longing. Fox gripped Alex's biceps and drew nearer, pressing his entire body against Alex in a shockingly intimate appeal. Alex felt Fox's tumescence pulsating hotly against his cleft and gasped audibly at the heat, the intoxicating scent emanating from the other man. 'Christ, he's still hard,' Alex realized with amazement, but then quickly chided himself for his surprise. After all, so was he, so hard he wanted to howl in frustration. Fox nestled his face against Alex's cheek, affectionately stroking it with his own. In a voice choked with tears, he plaintively whispered, "Please don't go, Alex. I *love* you, you rat-bastard."

'Oh God, he said it. He couldn't mean it. It's late and he's probably just been through another mind wipe and he's not thinking clearly and oh God, *please* let it be true....' Alex's heart leapt at the husky, passionate timbre of his voice. 'Rat bastard'....Only Fox Mulder could make an insult sound like a term of endearment. He remembered another such occasion in Skinner's condo, after he'd reduced his would-be assassin to so much red sauce on the sidewalk, *and* after spending the night handcuffed to a balcony rail in some damn cold weather, thank you very much. Mulder had stormed in, eyes wild with panic, and it was obvious he thought Alex had been the one to take a swan dive from the 17th floor. Mulder had concealed his immense relief at finding Alex alive and unharmed by smacking him around a bit, shoving him towards the door and muttering angrily, "stupid ass haircut." Alex had treasured the moment, paltry though it was. <Deep sigh> This was so fucking hard.....Suddenly he whirled around, yelling at the top of his lungs, his face an anguished mask. "How can you *possibly* love *me*? I killed your father, for Chrissakes, I plotted Scully's abduction...I've betrayed you in every conceivable way. You're crazy if you feel anything for me but hate." His harsh words were angry and ugly, but his tortured eyes pleaded, 'Make me believe you, say something to make me stay.'

Mulder didn't back down. It was all or nothing now, and he was not about to give up. He yelled right back without even thinking about his words. "I don't know.....and I don't care. I only know that I *do*, and that if I let you leave now, I'll probably never see you alive again." His voice broke and trailed off. When it returned it was thin and ragged, threaded with the pain of a man who has just cast off his last defense and acutely feels his emotional nakedness. "I just can't do that, Alex. God help me, I can't let you go." He covered his own face with his hands for an instant, then ran them up his face and over his hair, vigorously rubbing back and forth across his head, as if that would somehow dispel his anguish. His hands dropped to his sides as he released a labored sigh and swung his eyes back to Alex's face, his expression beseeching. He was crying openly now, his voice reduced to a raw, aching whisper. "After all the shitty things that have happened to us in this life, don't we deserve just one moment of happiness? One perfect thing that those bastards who ruined both of our lives can't touch? They can't cut this from you, Alex, they can't mind wipe it from me." He paused and looked heavenward as if praying for help, trying to compose himself as tears continued to spill onto his cheeks. He cupped Alex's face with both hands, thumbs lovingly smoothing imaginary wrinkles from his chin, tracing the outline of his mouth, as tortured hazel eyes penetrated moss green. He implored softly yet urgently, "Let yourself love me. Let me love you. Be my secret delight, Alex....please. I love you."

Oh, God, he couldn't know what those words did to him. Fox couldn't know that he was *Alex's* secret delight, his touchstone....that Alex's feelings for Fox were the only semblance of humanity he had allowed himself through all this madness. Fox was the only person he had ever permitted himself to truly care about since he lost his parents so long ago. How many times had he been coerced to commit some unspeakable act and survived the emotional aftermath only by clinging to the knowledge that he secretly loved Fox Mulder? The love he secretly harbored for Fox had preserved his sanity, even his life, more than once when he was consumed by despair that not one truly good person existed on this earth. All it would have taken to end the pain was one moment of carelessness on a job, one missed shot...or one carefully placed one. But then he would think of Fox Mulder, who no matter what horrors he faced, never turned his back on his ideals, always kept going in spite of the pain. Alex wondered if Fox laugh if he knew the hero worship during their brief partnership wasn't an act at all, but the first honest emotion he'd permitted himself to show another human being in nearly 20 years. Could Fox ever fathom the depths Alex had plumbed within himself, the emotional cost he had paid to extend that gift?

If Alex could still love someone, he couldn't be a complete monster, could he? No matter what evil he had done, he could at least point to that as one unassailable, incorruptible part of himself. Oh God, when had Mulder begun holding him? He collapsed involuntarily against the strong, warm arms encircling him, suddenly too weak to stand on his own anymore. Alex was crying now, tears mercilessly stinging his eyes, blurring his vision, washing away his final remaining barrier as they carved taut, itchy trails down his cheeks. He felt as if someone were cleaving his chest open with a pickaxe and he began to sob brokenly, bitterness and despair pouring from him in a caustic stream as he wept in Fox's arms. "Fox, I love you so damn much," he wailed, burying his tear streaked face in his shoulder as his shoulders shook uncontrollably. Fox released a small, relieved sob of his own and nuzzled Alex's dark head, tightening his grip, holding onto him like a drowning man clutching a life preserver.

God, this was what it felt like to really surrender yourself to someone. It was amazing, it was terrifying, this nakedness of the soul. Each man wanted to experience all of it, soak it up, absorb every nuance until he was so saturated with it that it beaded from every pore. They both stood there entwined, crying together, sprinkling each other's face with tiny kisses and whispering forbidden words locked away in aching hearts for too long. Gradually they calmed and the tears eventually ceased, leaving them to revel in the pleasure of just holding one another.

Alex sighed deeply, leaning on Fox's chest. "I'd give anything to be able to hold you with both arms."

"But you can beat me with one hand," Fox smiled into his silky dark hair, kissing the top of his mahogany head.

"You mean beat myself," he retorted softly, but still a bit sardonically.

"Not tonight, Alex, not tonight...." Fox murmured seductively against the even, thrumming pulse of Alex's throat. He placed a wet, sucking kiss there and slowly, teasingly stroked up and down the sides of Alex's erection with long, graceful fingers, gently squeezing the sensitive pouch underneath. A sharp intake of breath from Alex accompanied by the faintest whimper told Fox he had made his point.

They could not afford the luxury of coyness. They knew their time together would be cruelly brief. However, the mercy that they had any time at all was not lost on Alex. He was grateful, and if tonight was all they would ever have, then they would just make it enough. It would be hard, but Alex would hold nothing back. He wanted to give himself to Fox completely, an unconditional surrender of body and soul. Alex reflected that of all the occasions he had risked his young life, this reckless twilight sojourn was the only one truly worth dying for. His eyes swept across Fox's beloved face as he confessed in a voice husky with passion, "I want you so much." His hand reached up and fingers threaded through the feathery tendrils at Fox's nape, tracing light circles there, as he summoned the courage to articulate all he felt.

"You are the only person I have ever loved. I just want you to know that I would take back the things I've done if I could. The person I've become.....it all started long before I ever had a choice. I know that's no excuse, but I just wanted you to understand that what I did to you hurt me too, and for what it's worth, I *am* sorry."

"I know, Alex. And believe me, it's worth a lot. You didn't have to say it, but I'm glad you did. But I have things to be sorry for, too, you know. Pummeling you every time I saw you -- that wasn't exactly my finest moment, Alex. I don't want to do that anymore. I think we can put this behind us if we both try. Let's just love each other tonight, okay?"

Fox's generous words made Alex's heart feel a little less heavy. A guileless, peaceful smile touched his lips. "Okay". Then with a slight tremor in his voice, "Fox?"

"Hmmm?" 'Oh, those addictive fingers on my neck, that sweet, hot breath on my ear...'

Alex quietly, intimately confessed, "I've wanted you from the start, from the very first day. It wasn't just you having those feelings. And it wasn't part of the Consortium's plan. No one has ever known about this....until here, now. Only you and me."

A long, low moan escaped Mulder's lush parted lips. His eyes were glazed with desire as they met Alex's, and awe spread across his face like the sun rising over the horizon. He breathed, "I can't believe this is finally happening."

Alex gently rubbed his hot, pulsating length against Mulder as his fingernails lightly scraped down his back and lower, lingering on that magnificent ass, tracing lazy circles that made Mulder's breath catch on the upsweep. "Believe it. Believe *this*, Fox. If you never believe anything else I ever said, please know I would never lie to you about this."

Some long held barrier broke free, and a rush of desire flooded them both. Breathless, Fox panted, "Please, Alex. I want to see you naked."

Alex's pupils flared at the unbelievably erotic sound of Mulder's pleading, yet a hard, cold ball of fear began curling up in his stomach. Up until the time he'd lost his arm, he'd still clung to the hope that Fox might someday want him too. But after that ill-fated trip to Russia where his life changed forever, he had resigned himself to the idea that *no one* would ever really want him again, especially not Fox Mulder. Oh sure, he'd gotten laid since that crude amputation, but lovers treated him differently now. Covarrubias had reacted to his prosthesis by refusing to look at it, pretending it wasn't there. He'd only bedded her to advance his benefactor's agenda, true, and he knew going into it that she was doing the same thing. Still, the feeling that his prosthesis repulsed her stung his pride. She'd actually shivered in revulsion. He'd felt it. She tried to pass it off as uncontrollable passion, but the bitch failed miserably and Alex saw right through her blatant overacting. She had practically attacked him, wanting it to end as soon as possible. He punished her for it, roughing her up a bit just to let her know she wasn't fooling anyone. In the end, she couldn't even meet his eyes.

That Fox still wanted him in spite of his deformity humbled Alex and filled him with gratitude. But he couldn't help feeling nervous about revealing his body to him. What if Fox found him repugnant or even worse, pitied him? He didn't think he could endure that humiliation. He would give Fox one last chance to back out. Alex's eyes dropped to the floor and his voice held the slightest tremor of fear despite his stoic effort. "Are you sure, Fox? It's not pretty."

Mulder noticed how Alex held his breath, how his entire body had gone tense, frozen in anticipation of his answer. "Look at me, Alex." Fox rubbed warm, comforting hands up and down his back, gently coaxing.

Alex's reticent, vulnerable eyes met Fox's, searching his face. Fox left his expression deliberately open, silently allowing the appraisal. So much desire, so much love evident there...but no aversion, no pity. 'Thank God. *Breathe,* Alex.' Fox tenderly stroked Alex's jawline with the back of his hand, making his cock tingle with renewed excitement. "I *want* you, Alex," he breathed. "Don't you know by now how much I want you?" Fox grasped Alex's right hand and drew it to his own throbbing cock, showing him with a firm forward thrust the proof of his words. Alex was rendered momentarily speechless, breath catching in his throat as Fox reached for him and rested warm palms on his shoulders, lightly stroking, patiently waiting.

Alex struggled to find the right words to explain. "I can't..........I mean....I don't know if I can........I need you to undress me, Fox." Then, he added softly as an afterthought, "Please." Fox noted Alex's closed eyes, the way his chin dropped as he spoke, and understood what he was really asking him to do. 'Show me you're not disgusted by my arm. I need you to prove you really want me.' So Fox set out to do just that. "Keep your eyes closed, Alex," he murmured in a seductive whisper, as he lovingly nuzzled Alex's temple. Fox's breath felt like a warm breeze through his hair, and it made his scalp tingle with pleasure. He continued soothingly, "Let me show you how much I want you. You don't have to do anything. Just relax, and let yourself feel me loving you." He drew nearer to Alex's ear, possessively touched his lips to its delicate core, and whispered throatily, "Can you do that for me, baby?"

'Baby.....Oh God, Fox Mulder called him *baby*...' Intensely focused desire suffused Alex's entire body, and with a sudden clarity he knew that he would endure anything for this man, anything *from* this man. He had endured Fox Mulder's blows many times, but somehow that had been so much easier than accepting his caresses now. He had felt he deserved the blows, but this.....He now knew what he was truly afraid of, if only he would be honest enough with himself to admit it. His fear wasn't so much that Fox would view his arm with revulsion, although that was part of it. It was that Fox alone could touch that secret place hidden in the deepest recesses of his psyche that wanted nothing more than to be known for who he was and loved anyway. Who isn't terrified of the one thing he wants most, and yet, who can resist it when it miraculously falls within his grasp? 'Yes,' he thought, beginning to tremble with feverish need. 'Kill me with this, flay me open with it, let me slowly die from it.' Loving this man would either save his soul or destroy it, and Alex found he was beyond caring which it did. He opened his eyes and looked directly into Fox's, needing to witness his consuming fully. "Yes," he whispered, love and trust shining through the fear on his face.

Fox gifted him with a smile of pure joy, and a sweet, intense pleasure coursed through Alex at having been the reason for that smile. 'I made him smile...' Such a simple thing, really, but it so touched Alex, making his heart swell so that he feared he might start crying again. That someone could want *him*, not for the information he could provide, not to do their dirty work, not to manipulate him for their own selfish purposes, but just for *himself* and the love he had to give.....it was indescribable.

Fox began by brushing his lips lightly against Alex's temple, then slowly glided across his cheekbones, playfully nipped his nose, and repeated his ministrations on the other side. He then placed feather light, fluttering kisses on Alex's brows and eyelids, and Alex's lashes flickered gently in response. Fox couldn't resist tasting them, salty satin that tickled his tongue deliciously. Awash in sensation, in an almost trance-like state of arousal, Alex placed his hand on Fox's waist to steady himself as Fox kissed down his cheek and began tasting his jawline. 

Fox immersed his senses in the man standing before him, dizzy with Alex's taste, his smell, the feel of his skin under his lips. His eyes absorbed Alex's ecstatic expression and his own soul soared, delighting in it. 'I am giving him this pleasure....he wants the love I feel for him...' Could anything be more heartbreakingly perfect? Even with that tragically misshapen arm, he *was* utterly perfect. Nothing even came close to the sense of rightness that touching Alex gave him. Fox's lips left Alex's jaw and slid sensuously down his throat, his tongue and lips stroking the sensitive skin, evoking a startled 'Oh' from Alex as his knees started to buckle. Fox caught him and Alex blushed hotly, his eyes darting away in embarrassment. Fox gently grasped Alex's chin with an encouraging carress and turned him back to face him, eyes warm and liquid with barely restrained passion. "Me too, baby," he confessed softly with a smile. Then, teasingly, "Maybe we should move back to the couch?"

Alex nodded, relaxing and let Fox lead him there. Fox then put his hands on Alex's chest inside his jacket, pushing upward and back until it fell from his shoulders and hung at his elbows. Alex straightened his arms, shrugged slightly and the jacket fell to the floor. They sat, Alex leaning his back against the leather cushions, and Fox sitting sideways next to him. Fox then leaned over Alex, murmuring breathlessly, "I need to kiss you again," before ardently claiming his mouth. The kiss was intense, almost rough but just short of inflicting pain. Fox alternated tender licking and sucking with tiny bites and growls as his own excitement grew, and Alex forgot all coherent thought except 'Oh, his mouth was made just for this.' He surrendered completely to the plundering of his mouth, relishing it, emitting answering groans and whimpers to Fox's unbelievably sexy growling noises. They were necking like a couple of teenagers and neither of them had ever felt or tasted anything so luscious.

When Fox broke the kiss, Alex slumped on the sofa, wondering if his bones had all just dissolved and if he would ever be able to stand on his own again. Before he could recover, Fox fastened his mouth on Alex's pulse at the base of his throat. There he sucked on the alluring crevice, stroking it slowly with his tongue, deliberately stretching out the pleasure, and Alex suddenly imagined, no, *felt* that tongue at the base of his cock. A sound somewhere between a squeal of a delight and a pleading whimper tore from his throat and he clutched Fox's nape, incoherently imploring him to continue, as his hips involuntarily bucked upward. "That's it, baby, let me know when I please you," Fox encouraged with a low, throaty groan. He then slipped his knee between Alex's legs and leaned over his body to ravage the other side of that irresistible neck.

"Aaaaah, Fox.....you're killing me."

Fox smiled and released Alex's throat, nipping at his earlobe, and felt him shudder again under his hands. God, Alex was so responsive, it was all he could do not to rip off his clothes and rut at him like a damn bull. But they both needed this to last, maybe for a lifetime, however long that might be. Fox wondered if Alex even suspected he was inspired tonight not by his notorious porn collection or even the novelty of sex with another man, but by the torture of a thousand sleepless nights of longing to taste Alex just like this.....only Alex.

"Tell me what you want, baby..." Fox crooned. Oh God, there it was again, that sweetly seductive voice that made Alex want to beg shamelessly, to go down on his knees and do nothing but submit. He'd rolled over for Fox a million times in his dreams. This was what he'd always wanted, why he'd always let Fox hit him without fighting back, always hoping it would flower into this, that Fox would finally see what he was offering up to him. He was beyond pride or ego, recognizing no need anymore except to be possessed by Fox Mulder at last. Yes, he wanted the love, but he wanted this too. He needed Fox to *consume* him. The arm no longer mattered, he wasn't even afraid anymore. All he wanted was for Fox to strip him bare and devour him, obliterating everything except the incomparable bliss only this man could give. 

The answer flew from his lips before he had a chance to consciously choose his words, naked and honest. "Take me, please. I just want to be yours." Alex's mouth hung open and swollen from kisses, his body splayed wantonly on the couch, and Fox Mulder felt his composure splinter and fall away in pieces at the sight. No inhibitions remained between them, only the certainty that they shared the same desperate need, and that need was finally about to be fulfilled. God, Fox wanted to claim this man as his own, to utterly absorb him. His hands roughly grasped Alex's faded blue chambray shirt and pulled it apart, filling the room with the satisfying ripping sound of snaps popping open. Alex gasped as cool air touched his skin, hardening his nipples and making the fine hairs framing them stand on end as if pleading for a touch. Fox slowly brushed his knuckles across Alex's bare chest, eliciting a soft moan. He then pushed the fabric off Alex's shoulders and met his eyes questioningly, waiting for permission to expose the arm. Alex's eyes entreated him, and he uttered a single word, "Please."

That was all the encouragement Fox needed. He unsnapped the cuffs and quickly divested Alex of the shirt. Alex didn't stiffen, but his trusting eyes were fixed on Fox's face, needing to guage his reaction. Fox was looking directly, unflinchingly at his arm and he reached out to touch it, lightly caressing it as his other hand began to stroke the soft trail of hairs down his abdomen. As his eyes came back to Alex's, his expression reflected only unabashed adoration. While his hands continued their gentle exploration, Fox spoke. "I've wanted you for so long, Alex. God, you're beautiful." His tone was one of sheer wonder.

It took Alex a few seconds, but he managed to choke back the tears that threatened and swallow the painful lump in his throat. He finally responded simply, hoarsely, "I love you." It was all his brain could signal to him right now, truth in its purest form. He reached up with his right hand and tugged Fox's shirt free from his trousers, needing to see and touch him too. Fox quickly unbuttoned the shirt and removed it, tossing it on the floor along with his tie. He wore no undershirt, and Alex's fingers itched to touch him. Their hands found each other again simultaneously, and the impact was explosive. Both men groaned aloud in pleasure, and Alex yanked Fox to him, hungrily seeking to feel that bare chest against his own. Fox shifted them both so they were lying belly to belly on the couch. Their erections pressed together tantalizingly and their nipples puckered at the intense heat where their bodies touched. "Mmmmmm," and 'Ooooohhh' was all either man could verbalize as their hands and mouths feverishly explored one another. Their cocks dueled in a lazy, sensual riposte as their excitement mounted, until Fox came up for air and commanded with a gasp, "I want you naked *right now*."

Alex groaned and his cock surged so strongly that even through the thick fabric of his jeans, Fox could see it move. With a predatory gleam in his eyes, Fox grabbed at Alex's pants and began frantically unfastening them. Impatient now, barely able to restrain himself, he skimmed them down Alex's hips with trembling hands. 'No underwear -- oh Christ, you're gonna make me come Alex, and we're not even naked yet,' he thought. Fox quickly removed them along with Alex's shoes and socks, and was rewarded with the sight of a completely naked Alex Krycek reclining on his leather couch, his verdant eyes glowing darkly with desire for him. It was the most erotic sight Fox Mulder had ever seen and his lush mouth fell open in awe as his eyes hungrily devoured Alex. His skin was a breathtaking hue of what could only be described as ripest peach lightly dusted with gold, covered with fine, silky hairs that shimmered even in the faint light. And yet, while Alex was truly beautiful, there was no mistaking that he was all man. *His* man. His heart clutched possessively as a rush of passion suffused him all over again.

Fox's gazed at Alex's body, memorizing every detail, wanting to remember this moment always. Alex's cock -- oh, it belonged on an ancient Greek statue, for it was truly a work of art. The word 'majestic' kept racing through his mind as he admired its proud sculpted beauty framed by gilt chestnut waves. It was a living, breathing being with a life all its own, velvet steel that leapt and surged and drew him like a divining rod. He thought it would taste like spiced peaches drizzled with honey.

"Fox, please.......touch me. I can't wait anymore." Alex's face was taut with need, his eyes pleading for release. Fox took a deep, shuddering breath and reached for him, marveling at the texture of the spongy silk shaft in his hand. He squeezed gently and began stroking leisurely, bringing forth from Alex a fervent stream of endearments and pleas as his hips undulated at Fox's slow pace.

"Yes -- oh Fox, it's so sweet, please, *please*....."

'Jesus,' Fox thought, 'how did I ever hold out this long?' He began stroking him faster with a firmer grip, and Alex let out a choked whimper, clutching the side of the couch as he began to thrust upward. He threw his head back and arched up into Fox's hand with wild abandon.

"Oh God, you're really touching me....aaah, you feel so good....*Fox*...."

He could see Alex was at the precipice, but Fox had other plans. He slid to his knees and grasped Alex's cock at the base, squeezing firmly while gently easing the sac downward. Alex nearly screamed in frustration, he'd been so close. "Fox, *please*..."

Fox reached up to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead and looked deeply into Alex's eyes before bestowing a sweet, apologetic kiss on his pleading lips. "I know you want to come, baby, but not just yet. We've waited too long for this to finish so soon. I want it all, and I want to give it all to you."

Alex responded by grabbing at Fox's belt, his face delirious with desire. He whimpered in frustration when it didn't unfasten immediately under his hand. Fox squeezed his hand gently and murmured, "I've got it, baby," and quickly removed the belt while Alex feverishly massaged Fox's erection through his trousers. Fox bit back a moan and rapidly divested himself of his trousers and boxers. Shoes and socks quickly followed, leaving him breathtakingly nude before his appreciative lover. Alex reached out to touch his bare chest and Fox caught his hand, kissing and licking the palm enticingly, making Alex's cock jump. Alex then lovingly trailed his hand down Fox's torso, relishing the satiny texture of his skin before grasping his engorged cock and pumping twice. Fox couldn't suppress the moan this time, and his head lolled back as sharp waves of pleasure washed over him.

Alex then sat up suddenly and engulfed that perfect cock in his hot, greedy mouth, finally tasting the one man he wanted above all others. Fox felt paralyzed with pleasure, and an astonished "Oh God" fell from his lips as he beheld the almost surreal erotic tableau before him. *Alex Krycek was sucking his cock!* Alex's eyes were closed, his magnificent dark lashes dusting cheeks flushed with passion as his lips and tongue thoroughly worshiped his cock. His right hand snaked around, firmly grasped Fox's ass and squeezed, urging him forward into that searingly sweet suction as his throat relaxed, taking him deeper still. Fox could only gasp his pleasure as he ran his fingers through Alex's soft hair, certain they were about to spontaneously combust at any second, but not capable of giving a damn.

'God, don't come yet!' Fox silently implored himself. As incredible as Alex's mouth felt, he just had to be inside him, to feel the silken heat of him massage his throbbing cock. As if precognitively sensing Fox's imminent orgasm, Alex reluctantly drew his mouth away and with just a finger, firmly pressed a secret spot on Fox's perineum while he grasped the base of his cock. Fox was shocked to feel a sudden intense, rippling pleasure accompanied by a subsiding of the urge to come. His balls didn't even ache, he realized incredulously. "Oh my God, Alex - what did you do?" he asked with a look of sheer wonder.

Alex leered at him with a mischievous, smouldering gleam in his eyes before playfully answering, "Top secret. I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

Fox laughed out loud, a joyous, musical sound that enthralled Alex. He then slid to his knees and held Alex's face in his hands. Meeting Alex's eyes with a mock serious gaze, he teasingly drawled, "You know, as an FBI agent, I am highly trained in *all* methods of interrogation. If you cooperate, I may be persuaded to go easy on you. If not, well......" His voice trailed off menacingly as he tried in vain to keep a straight face, but the mirth in his eyes was a dead giveaway.

Alex coquettishly grinned, stunning and exciting him with his retort. "Maybe I don't want you to go easy on me. Maybe I want you to go *hard* on me."

"Oh yeah?"

"*Yeah*."

"I think that can be arranged," Fox replied, audaciously waggling his eyebrows and licking his lips lasciviously. Now it was Alex's turn to laugh, the sound of that laughter warming Fox's heart. 'How at peace he looks,' Fox thought. Suddenly, he grasped Alex's legs behind the knees and yanked him forward into a prone position with his legs spread wide, his crotch directly in Fox's face. Alex gasped and his smile morphed into a look of voracious anticipation as hungry green eyes flashed at him flirtatiously. Fox noted all of this with immense satisfaction. In a low, seductive timbre, he teased, "We have *ways* of making you talk," before touching his tongue to Alex's inner thigh and gradually slithering upward at a maddenly slow pace. 'Oh yeah, I've got his attention - he's holding his breath again.' <Inward grin>

Alex raised his legs high in the air and rested his knees on Fox's shoulders, locking his ankles behind his neck. The movement pushed Alex's pelvis up toward Fox's mouth in blatant, shameless invitation. Fox chuckled under his breath. Without warning, he drew his moist, flattened tongue up Alex's perineum, teasingly sucked on one testicle, then the other, before releasing it to lick at the base of his cock in small circles. He looked up to find Alex watching him, panting through quivering lips, his face glistening with a sweaty sheen of arousal. Fox silently compelled Alex to maintain eye contact and dragged his tongue up his erection, encircling the weeping tip. Alex sighed and rotated his hips slightly. Fox then plunged his hot mouth down to envelop Alex's entire cock, sucking and stroking furiously with his tongue. Alex cried out in ecstacy, bearing down on Fox's back with his ankles for the sweet leverage that would bring his hips closer to that magical mouth. Fox grabbed Alex's ass cheeks with both hands and squeezed hard, lifting him off the couch and deep throating him. Alex screamed his pleasure, followed by a gutteral stream of pleading encouragement which drifted upward to Fox's ears. 

Oh *yes* baby, ooooooh God, please, don't *ever* stop...." Alex's hips involuntarily bucked upward, seeking more of the molten heat of Fox's mouth. God, he was so close, one or two more thrusts and he would come. Then suddenly Fox's mouth was gone, and he felt a knowing pressure just beneath his anus and around his cock as Fox mirrored his previous action. "Aaaaaah!" Alex exclaimed in both frustration and delight.

"Not yet, baby," Fox crooned with a sly, cocky smile which seemed to say, 'I'm a fast learner, huh?' Alex deliberately slowed his breathing to control his arousal, concentrating on Fox's eyes. The connection, the energy between them was so overwhelming. How had they ever resisted the attraction this long? 

"Now, tell me what you want, Alex." Fox's seductive gravelly voice brought him back from his musings. Oh God. Alex felt fingernails trailing light, slightly sharp circles on his ass while two thumbs met in its cleft, teasingly massaging the tight hole at its center. All the while Mulder gave him this smouldering 'you know you want it' look that made him want to come all over himself. 'Yes, that's it, ride it out, surrender to me,' his hazel eyes seemed to say.

Alex opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He looked at Fox with a pleading look and pushed his ass into his caressing hands. When the tip of one thumb penetrated him slightly, white hot pleasure consumed Alex, making him cry out in a cooing sound. Fox left the digit in, circling almost imperceptibly while slowly bringing his mouth down to one glistening cheek. Making sure Alex watched his every move, he touched his tongue to it, sensuously lapping and tasting while gently massaging the tender pink bud with his thumb. Suddenly he firmly nipped Alex's ass with his teeth, while withdrawing the thumb. Alex let out a primal scream, frustration mingled with awe.

"Tell me, Alex." That voice drifted over him again, bringing shivers with it. Fox wanted him to beg for his cock. God, this was a wet dream come true, to have Fox Mulder *and* to be topped by him. This was far better than any of his fantasies. He realized that they both needed this, recognized that this erotic play somehow made it easier to put the past behind them. No residual anger or distrust would be tolerated here. Nothing short of complete surrender would be good enough for either of them. And it was a price both men were eager to pay.

Fox bit Alex's other cheek, and began sucking and licking the sensitive spot, sending a searing heat up Alex's spine that radiated all the way back to his throbbing cock. Alex's answer shook Fox and nearly made him come. "Oh Fox, I need you to fuck me, *please.* I want your cock so bad."

Ahhhh God, Alex Krycek was letting him top him just a little....and it was at this moment that Fox realized theirs was a passion only those who love each other equally can know. His voice ragged with desire, he answered, "Oh baby, I want you so much. I want to be inside you, *own* you. I want you to cry out my name when you come."

Alex thought back on all the lonely nights he had done just that. "Oh God, Fox, anything you want," he breathed.

Fox marveled at Alex's passionate surrender and lightly traced his jaw, brushing a thumb over his parted lips in a tender caress. "I'll be right back, Alex." He stood, reluctantly parting their bodies to gather the necessities. Both men acutely felt the loss of each other's warmth. Fox hurried back and kneeled again between Alex's spread legs, sensuously stroking the insides of his thighs. Alex responded with a look of pleading adoration, opening his thighs further in abject welcome. Fox then gently grasped Alex's delectable ass again, raising it just enough to insert a pillow beneath him. He squeezed and kneaded Alex's cheeks, feeling him relax further and lowered his mouth to that irresistible cleft. Fox's tongue slowly teased along Alex's perineum, eliciting a gasping moan. When he reached Alex's puckered opening, he teasingly alternated licking with feather light suction. Alex then raised his ass to meet Fox's mouth and began begging in earnest.

"Ooooh, Fox, *please*....I need...."

But Fox continued his maddenly slow rimming while opening the bottle of lube. Finally, when Alex was reduced to incoherent whimpering and pleading, Fox removed his mouth, sitting up. 

"Is this what you want, Alex?" he asked seductively while upending the bottle of lube, letting a few cool droplets fall on his perineum. They dribbled sensuously down behind his balls and into his anal cleft, where they pooled at his tight opening. The sensation was electric and Fox watched Alex's anus visibly contract with unspeakable pleasure. Alex cried out, "Oh God, please."

Fox quickly lubed up his fingers and started making lazy circles there, gently penetrating while continuing his rhythmic circling motion. Alex moaned loudly and thrashed his head from side to side. His eager ass rose of its own volition and mirrored the sweet circular motion of that blessed finger, drawing it deep inside. Fox trembled at the heat there, could barely wait to thrust himself into it, but he had to control himself just a little bit longer. This had to be perfect for them both.

Concentrating on the hypnotic rhythm of that teasing finger in his ass, Alex arched in entreaty, breathing, "More, more." He was rewarded with a second finger, but still the agonizingly slow tempo remained the same, making him groan with desire and frustration. Alex focused on it, feeling the burning sensation in his ass suffuse his entire body with almost unbearable pleasure, its hot tentacles reaching out from his ass to his fingertips, his toes, his scalp, his nipples, oh God, his cock. Every nerve ending was raw, screaming to be touched, demanding release. He was on the verge of tears when he finally grasped Fox's arm, unable to withstand any more teasing. 

"Fox, please, *now*," he implored, emerald eyes glistening with urgent need.

"Now, baby?" delivered with the most loving of smiles.

*"Yes!"*

Fox braced his free hand on the couch and as he raised himself up, slowly twisted his imprisoned fingers around in Alex's yielding warmth. As he claimed Alex's open begging mouth in a wet, sucking kiss, he pressed knowing fingers on Alex's prostate and massaged in that same small circular motion that drove Alex wild with need. Alex nearly screamed into his mouth, and Fox devoured the passionate response, licking and nibbling Alex's trembling lips before plunging his tongue inside his hot mouth again. As he fucked Alex's pliant mouth with his rapacious tongue, Fox slowly withdrew his fingers. Alex moaned at the loss, unintentionally breaking the kiss. Fox, shivering at his own sensory overload at watching Alex literally melt inside for him, slowly slid down Alex's steaming body, trailing licking kisses and love bites along his southerly path. He knelt, found the lube again and anointed his cock, all the while staring at Alex's beloved countenance. Alex gazed back, reflecting his love back at him, breathless with anticipation. He reached up in a silent plea, 'Come to me *now*, Fox,' fingers clenching and unclenching, willing him to come home and finally make them one.

It was time.

Fox kissed the outstretched hand and lightly sucked on Alex's fingers as he positioned his surging cock at Alex's ready entrance. Oh, again with those agonizingly slow circles! Alex smiled at the familiar motion, and Fox smiled back at him, a joyous, laughing sob escaping them both as they surveyed the brink together before crossing it. Two pairs of lips moved simultaneously, each man fervently whispering his love for the other as they finally merged. Fox tenderly embedded himself inside Alex, gently probing circles easing him in a little more with each rotation, as his flesh repeated its erotic litany. Alex released a long, keening, ecstatic cry that rose and fell in counterpoint to Fox's steady stirring of their passion. The quiet in the air was rent asunder by the glorious sound of two lost souls fusing, coalescing into one as together they found each other and with that shimmering discovery, came a precious peace. That it was so hard won made the victory all the more sweet. They stilled for a brief instant, savoring this priceless, peerless moment as the love radiated between them, enhanced by the mutually throbbing heat at the juncture of their union. Alex clutched one of Fox's hands and brought it to his mouth for a worshipful kiss before pressing it over his heart and covering it with his own. Tears of joy trickled from both men's eyes as Fox then began to move within Alex, unspeakable pleasure transporting them beyond themselves into some ethereal realm where mere words were inadequate.

Fox's free hand encircled Alex's trembling cock and firmly, lovingly stroked it, matching the tempo of his own cock. Alex gasped and cried out in an inarticulate staccato with each upward pull, the pre-cum flowing from him like honey. Fox could feel Alex's heart quicken under his hand, felt his own heart answer its soaring cadence. His cock twitched in response to Alex's internal squeezing, and he plunged deeper inside, gradually picking up the pace, trying with all his might to make the moment last while wringing from it every last drop of bliss.

Fox stoked the fire slowly, and Alex burned more brightly with each thrust. Together they built a magnificent roaring bonfire, their tangled limbs the kindling and their love the match. Their lovemaking was a purification, incinerating all the hurts and recriminations of the past, leaving behind only the faintest wisp of ashes as evidence they had ever existed. And as each man hurtled toward physical release while the sparks flew upwards, his soul glowed with the certainty that in spite of insurmountable odds and the anguished years preceding it, and no matter what the future might bring, this one perfect moment of happiness had been worth it all.

The End


End file.
